Second Random Holiday Thought: Visit a person with dementia in a care facility, even if you don't know them

One of my favourite things to do is to visit a memory care unit. Weird huh?

When I visit a facility, I'm looking primarily for innovative care, homelike surroundings a'la Lakeview Ranch or a "normal" environment as can been found at Silverado. I'm looking for interactive activities that engage the residents and challenge them to use and expand their cognitive abilities. But most of all, I just like visiting the residents.

Most residents in memory care probably have family members that visit them on a fairly regular basis, although there are many that have family living far away. They are also surrounded, for the most part, with caring people who work at the facility. However, most people with dementia are living in the moment; if one of their children visited them yesterday, it might as well have been last year. In addition, unless the home has achieved the extraordinary staffing ratio of Lakeview (3 residents for every caregiver), then it's difficult for staff to spend too much time interacting one-on-one with residents; they just have too much to do and so little time to do it. Thus, most residents are lonely! Very lonely.

I firmly believe that one-on-one interaction, or activities that demand interaction from the person with dementia, are what can bring a person with even advanced dementia alive, even if it's temporary. However, it's ironic that this is the kind of interaction that is lacking in most memory care facilities. Hence you end up with lonely seniors lined up in wheelchairs in the hallway or gazing at the TV in the community room(yeah, you know what I'm taking about).

But here's what you can do. That home you spotted the other day when you were searching for a Starbucks? Just go and visit. Call the facility's administrator, community outreach person, or activity director first to be cleared. You might have to fill out a volunteer form.

When you go, find the first person you see, crouch down so you're looking them in the eye and not towering over them, and say "You don't know me but..." You will be surprised at the conversations you will have. Remember to step into their reality. If they are busy picking threads off their clothes (as one resident was when I visited Lakeview; I couldn't see the thread of course but it was very real to her as she had been a seamstress at one time) then join in and help out. Just have fun. If the person can't or doesn't talk, then holding hands will do. Give hugs liberally. Stick to the common areas; don't raise the suspicions of staff members by wandering into a resident's private quarters.

Last Sunday I went with our synagogue's youth group and their parents to visit a memory care unit and a long term care facility. The kids didn't know the residents and the residents didn't know the kids. They all got along famously. One young girl connected so well with one of the residents with dementia, that the resident was in tears she was so happy. The visit to the memory care unit had such an impact on the adults that two families asked if they could go back by themselves sometime. They could see the positive effect they were having on the residents. One parent who visited the long term care facility wondered if she could get a job there.

The time of the year when you visit is irrelevant. However, it being the holiday time and all (Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza), people tend to be on the lookout for good things they could do to help others. So go and visit now while you're in the mood. Go on Christmas day. Go on New Years. There are bound to be people who don't have families with whom to celebrate the holiday, and they are just as aware that others are celebrating and they aren't as you would be. Go and make someone's moment. I guarantee that you will come away happy.

P.S. If you are still looking to make a donation before year-end, make a donation to the Dementia Care Foundation, which among other things, provides scholarships for people with dementia to live at Lakeview Ranch.